2010...Reflection and Personal Redemption

I have spent the better part of this week going back and reading my old blog posts. I've been making a list of sorts. A list of things about myself. The good, the bad, and the ugly. There is lots of ugly. But before I move on to 2010 and a brand new decade. I want to learn more about myself or acknowledge those nasty habits of mine. If we don't face up to those nasty little critters it's hard to do anything about them. To say 2009 was a hard year is an understatement. Getting laid off in May I spent the later part of the year trying to start a new business in the midst of the worst economic climate in three decades. I must be a glutton for punishment. However there were some very good things that came out of 2009.

1. My faith.

2. My friends.

3. My ability to adapt and change my lifestyle--which is still occuring to this day or even this very moment.

4. My daughter and my husband. It's a miracle we haven't clobbered each other. But we are still a family. A strong family. Resilient, unwavering, and steadfast.


Now back to 2010. Before I set goals, or even thought about what I wanted to do in 2010 I wanted to see what I'd done in the past several years. What was good, and what was crap. (There was a lot of the latter).

I've learned several things:
The bad first...

I'm lazy.
I let things de-rail me.
Distractions. People.
Time management. Laundry. You name it.
I'm a procrastinator.
Sometimes I'd rather talk about doing something instead of actually doing it.
I say "yes" too often and not necessarily to the good things.
I over stretch myself and my family.
I'm horrible with money. I should turn my finances over to my father--but I don't think he'd take them.
I don't want to do sales anymore forever amen.


Now the good:
I'm a good friend.
I'm a good wife.
I'm a good mother.
I'm a good writer when I write. Notice the emphatic 'when'
And I'm a good daughter and daughter-in-law.
I am a faithful servant.

So what to do with all this information. The next thing I did was make a list. What am I passionate about now? What has changed since 2004?
I am passionate about my faith.
I am passionate about my music (all of it)
I am passionate about my young adults of which they have made this past year bearable.
I am passionate about my family first of all.

So that leads me back to what I want to write. I think it will have to encompass all of those things I'm passionate about. It is different than what I was passionate about in 2004. I think deeper now, and longer and in some ways I think I'm trying to find myself.

So instead of setting goals for 2010 I'm going to set a list of things I don't want to do:

I don't want to procrastinate any longer.
I want to write something worth reading, something with grit and something I can be proud of. Something my daughter can read, something my friends can read without cringing and something most of all my mother can read.

That's about it. I have some ideas. I have some plans. But I'll more than likely keep those to myself. I do love my blogs and am glad I never deleted them. How wonderful it is to go back and read something that is in effect what I did at that day, that moment, and to think I shared it with the world. Not a bad thing at all...